What day is it? Oh yeah... 11

How I feel:

-crazy!
-slightly overwhelmed
-thankful

Smoothie:

 Key Lime Pie

1/2 can of Lite Coconut Milk (Thai Kitchen Organic)
1/2 cup of unsweetened almond milk
2 dates (make sure you don't buy pitted dates, take out seed yourself b4 blending)
small bunch of pecan halves
1 frozen banana
4 cubes of ice
2 Tbs of lime juice
1 big handful of power greens and/or spinach



This one tastes sooo good. A new house favorite. So refreshing and really satisfying. If you are not giving up solids, sprinkle graham cracker crumbs on it :)

 Dates...looks strange, but don't be fooled! I call these God's candy:)

 So many health-nut-lenters in the Gibbons' household. Much need for excess bananas.

What God is saying?

The past few days have been really hard.  

I've never made it this far. Let me tell you, the toughest thing to give up right now is bread and meat. Every time I look at bread or meat I try to think of ways to blend it. I can't figure out how to blend it and actually enjoy it. Gross :( I'm started to get desperate.
As exciting as it is to try new smoothies, it gets old. But that's the point. If this were all fun and delicious, it wouldn't be lent.

I used to always run to food as a distraction and I'm still learning not to. Do you have anything like that? Something that's your go-to when you need to zone out or run away? I can list a few that come to mind:

-movies/ tv shows
-shopping (online counts yo)
-a romantic (or not so romantic) relationship
-any social media outlet (facebook, instagram, twitter-to name a few)
-video games
-alcohol
-pills
-gym

Well all those have been an escape for me at one time...maybe not video games, ha! but food is my strongest and most irresistible drug.

It's the worst substance to have issues with because you need it to live and every time you eat you are reminded of how easily you can really screw up.
It's like telling an alcoholic, sorry, you need this drink to live so instead of drinking 20 drinks a day, make it 3... or you'll die. Doesn't really make sense.

This is one of the many reasons why eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness: because barely anyone knows how to get "clean".
How can you get free of the same thing that you need to live? The same thing that can heal your body can destroy it.
The scariest part is that abusing your body with food is one of the most socially acceptable ways of hurting yourself. Urgency for help and support in this area always seem to be lacking.

Don't get me wrong, we all know the difference between an apple and a twinkie(r.i.p.), but when you really crave or want something, all reason and knowledge goes out the window.

With that said, I can't have my drugs a.k.a. the food I so deeply desire and crave during this lenting season, so the question is now what?
It's day 11 and things have began to surface.
I'm not talking about happy feelings like my memories of picnics at the park or Disney sing-along songs . I'm talking about hard stuff. Hard freaking stuff that you never actually thought you'd have to think about or deal with.

I guess if you take away my comfort and numbing medicine, this is what you get.
 It's not easy, but you know what, it's worth it! My relationship with God is worth it, and even though things are crappy sometimes, he still tells me that I'm worth it.

When I started this lent I knew in my head I would become more desperate for God, but now I'm starting to learn what it actually feels like to be hungry for God. I'm overjoyed that I'm hungry for something safe. Something that's actually great for me and won't make me implode.

With God's grace, I'm still thankful. Thankful that I get to eat at all. Do I have it bad? Puh-lease. Get a hold of yourself, Karis, you are rich in the world's eyes. This is what I tell myself, and it works. I still have a reason to worship God. Let's be real, I will always have a reason to worship Him. He's a good Dad and he's taking care of me.

Praying for healing and restoration in your and my life today,

xo

Day 5

Drinking out of a cool mug (that we have had for a while) was something that made me happy today.
--Starting to appreciate the small things--

How I feel:

Let me just say that sometimes I can't pinpoint how I feel. 
Lately I've been learning that just because I think that "I don't have feelings" or am "numb", doesn't mean I'm strong and cool. It means I don't know how to healthily confront who I am and events that have happened in my past. When I don't know how I feel I go to a list. Maybe you will want to use it too or maybe you don't need one, but I highlighted the ones that I identify with today. Do it with me and maybe even ask why you felt that way.

 
   
 HAPPY, cheerful, delighted, elated, encouraged, glad, gratified, joyful, lighthearted, overjoyed, pleased, relieved, satisfied, thrilled, secure.   
       

LOVING, affectionate, cozy, passionate, romantic, sexy, warm, tender, responsive, thankful,    appreciative, refreshed, pleased.   
     
      
 HIGH ENERGY, energetic, enthusiastic, excited, playful, rejuvenated, talkative, pumped, motivated, driven, determined, obsessed.   
       

AMAZED, stunned, surprised, shocked, jolted, enlightened.   
       

ANXIOUS, uneasy, embarrassed, frustrated, nauseated, ashamed, nervous, restless, worried,             stressed.   
       

CONFIDENT, positive, secure, self-­‐assured, assertive.   
       

PEACEFUL, relieved, at ease, calm, comforted, cool, relaxed, serene.   
      
 AFRAID, scared, anxious, apprehensive, boxed in, burdened, confused, distressed, fearful,   
 frightened, guarded, hard pressed, overwhelmed, panicky, paralyzed, tense, terrified, worried,   
 insecure.   
      
 TRAUMATIZED, shocked, disturbed, injured, damaged.   
       

ANGRY, annoyed, controlled, manipulated, furious, grouchy, grumpy, irritated, provoked,      frustrated.   
      
 LOW ENERGY, beaten down, exhausted, tired, weak, listless, depressed, detached, withdrawn,   
 indifferent, apathetic.   
       

ALONE, avoidant, lonely, abandoned, deserted, forlorn, isolated, cut off, detached.   
        

SAD, unhappy, crushed, dejected, depressed, desperate, despondent, grieved,  heartbroken, heavy, weepy.   
      
 BETRAYED, deceived, fooled, duped, tricked, cynical   
      
 CONFUSED, baffled, perplexed, mystified, bewildered.   
     
 ASHAMED, guilty, mortified, humiliated, embarrassed, exposed.   
      
 DISSAPOINTED, let down, disheartened, disillusioned, distrustful.    

Liquid: Soup!!

It is what it is yo... I'm freaking craving salt so I drove to Sprouts to pick up some soup.

It's day 5 which must mean you start craving weird things. 

Thai-American Soup

-2 cups of Potato Leek Soup

-2 cups of Tom Yum Soup Base

-a few dashes of Cayenne Pepper

-a few dashes of Ginger

 

What is God saying?

Today I don't know what God is saying. Today I just wish I could rest on His shoulder and relax. I don't know maybe crack a joke or two with Him. I want to hear God tell me a joke, that would be so awesome.

Maybe that's what He's saying. That we don't have to talk- He can just chill with me :)

Amen and goodnight.

<3

Day 4

It would be nice if we never had to eat alone and always had someone to talk to in between bites...
or sips ;)

   How I feel:

-happy/lighthearted
-worshipful

-confident...

Sometimes the devil tries to rob me of my life. That "thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10)
Many times I've literally felt like he tried to kill me by drowning me in my own thoughts, torments, and struggles. BUT I'm still here aren't I? I'm still alive and if I'm alive, I'm stronger than I was before. He didn't win! Suckaaa. Take Back what he tried to steal from you:

 

Smoothie:

It's Yamz Yo

1 baked-til-soft Yam

1 small handful of either almonds, walnuts, or pecans 

2 cup of unsweetened almond milk

*Can have hot or cold. I prefer to drink it after it's been chilled:)

My sweet Momma made this yesterday, and I was bouncing off the walls with delight. It's soo yummy.

I've been craving hearty foods like no other so I've been putting the PB powder in 1/2 of my smoothies, but that stuff can get expensive. When I started drinking this heavenly and ridiculously easy Yam concoction I almost started singing. I finally had something more dense in my belly, with no guilt. Who would've thought that something that took so few ingredients would be so scrumptious. Yes, scrumptious.

click for Health Benefits of Yams

 

What is God saying?

I saw a stirring quote by Kelly Cutrone. She wrote,

"I learned that you have to give up your life as you know it to get a new one: that sometimes you need to let go of everything you're clinging to and start over, whether it's because you've outgrown it or because it's not working anymore, or because it was wrong for you in the first place."

This awakened something in me because it's a massive part of what God has been teaching me. That if you really, really want healing or transformation, you have to take extreme measures. Radical change. Maybe that means getting a new job, making new friends, moving, or getting therapy or even a fitness trainer! 

For me? I have to wage war (1 Peter 2:11) against my own body because I can't always trust its instincts or desires.

Along with doing this smoothie/liquid deal, I'm doing a crossfit-type training 4 times a week, 1 hour each session with my amazing trainer Cary Hokama.

Cary has taught me a lot about what it looks like to push your body, even when you think you can't go another second or lift another pound. I have mega respect for athletes and trainers because they know what it's like to die to their flesh and not listen to the voice that says, you can't do it.

Today I pray for breakthrough in not just my life, but yours as well. With whatever addictions, trials, or traumas you have gone through or are going through. You will get better.

There is a way that will work specifically for you.

xo

Day 3

How I feel:

-nauseous... whyyy??

-still tired

 These withdrawals are lasting a long time... with no wheat, dairy, meat, or refined sugar in my diet, I'm sure my body is like, "GIVE ME, GIVE ME". Thankfully I have done a liquid/juice fast for 10 days before and I know that by the 5th day I was feeling chipper. Gotta hold out for a while longer.

Smoothie:

 

1 cup of coconut water

2 handfuls of power greens

1 handful of ice

2/3 of a frozen banana

 2 Tbs of cocoa powder

2 Tbs of PB powder

1 scoop of Juice +

1/2 Tbs of hemp seeds

 What is God saying?

I'm reading Chris Seay's book A Place at the Table. Here are a few things I found awesome:

"Certainly, our relationship with food is a unique window into our soul. In the days leading up to a fast I committed to a few years ago, a very simple realization broke my will, pride, and eventually my heart. I realized that the joy that food and material possessions bring to me is often substantial, but that far too often I lack any sense of gratitude for it. The fact that God sustains our lives by a gift from His hand should cause us to stop everything and offer sincere thanks, but so often we do not. The same is true for the air we breath, our health and well-being, and sadly even the grace and forgiveness offered to us through Jesus the Liberating King."

"how can a miracle become so common in our own daily lives that we become apathetic and eventually unthankful?"

*When the Lord miraculously provided the Israelites manna, but only manna*
"The children of Israel started to long for different flavors and spices. They were so blinded by their cravings that they began to glorify the "good old days" of slavery when they could eat all they wanted."


Lord, give me a grateful heart.

Day 2

Today I feel:

-tired

-fuzzy

-queasy

-peaceful

Smoothie:

  Pineapple-Ginger Delight

2 cups of cucumber

1 handful of cilantro

1 cup of frozen peach

1 cup of frozen pineapple chunks 

 -frozen fruit makes the smoothie taste more creamy than unfrozen fruit

1 handful of spinach

2 tbs of small diced ginger 

juice of 1 lemon

1 cup of coconut water 

*you can change the amount of ginger and cilantro if you don't like it, but give it a try it's SO good ;)

This smoothie was so refreshing and clean tasting. I was surprised how much I liked it with cilantro.

 

  

  

What is God saying?

         Today I was reminded that I need to be better at sharing. Simple? Maybe. Hard? Definitely. Most of the time I feel I have the right to the things that I have. I need to hold things loosely and trust that if my most valuable possessions and relationships were taken from me, I'd still be okay. That's really tough for me to take in and of course I know it's true, but to exercise that muscle is straining on my pride and false sense of entitlement. Lord, help me!

 Day 1 

        *ChEerS!*

Happy 1st day of lent! 

Today I feel:

-tired
-crazy
-energetic
...all at the same time?

Perhaps I'm withdrawing.

 Smoothie:
PB and J
1 cup of unsweetened almond milk
handful of ice
1/2 frozen packet of acai
1 cup of organic blueberries
2/3 of a frozen banana
2 handfuls of power greens (baby kale, baby spinach, chard)- bought box of this from Whole Foods
3 Tbs of PB powder
1 Tbs of chia seeds
1 packet of Stevia

It looks like mud and tastes pretty good. I will use mixed frozen berries next time, which consists of strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries instead of just blueberries and acai.

Because it's my first day of lent, I was still completely unsatisfied after this smoothie. I was full, but craving something else. I started slightly freaking out because it was finally hitting me...i can't eat anything else, I can't snack. So Stephen gave me some citrus-infused Kombucha and it actually did the trick.

Yay Kombucha! This brand is the best because they don't add refined sugars or agave.


 What is God saying?

I am no stranger to diets, over-exercise, and major body-image insecurities. My mind has been so clouded with these issues that I often lose sight of Jesus. Food and self-image become my God.

That said, I would say I am very aware of how desperately I need God if I'm going to get through these 40 days without chewing. I would even say this seems borderline impossible.
When the majority of what I will be swallowing is blended up fruits and vegetables, I will feel unsatisfied. All that means is that I must find my satisfaction in God-which I am SUPER down with.

This morning I woke up and immediately felt the need to get on my face and pray. I've never been able to go 40 days, but I feel so much grace on this. God's going to reveal a lot of things in me, this week alone, and I'm ready and willing to hear it from Him.